I was told this was a necessary part of writing my story....to give a description of myself so the readers will know me better and maybe identify with me. I find this an odd and difficult thing to do. If you were in my shoes, how would you write about yourself? Think about it....weird, huh?
I guess I will start with the logistics. I am a now 50-year-old woman, married for the third time with 2 adult children; both girls. I come from a family of 5. I had an older brother by 2 years and a younger brother by 9 years. I haven’t seen my older brother in a lot of years. He has chosen not to be a part of our lives anymore. I don’t know why. I know we had a hard childhood, but my younger brother and I seemed to deal with it and survive….why not him?
My younger brother is actually the patriarch of the family. He stepped up to the position without really knowing it at the time. You know what they say…..some men do great things and other men have great things thrust upon them. Both of my brothers are very intelligent people and I have always looked up to them for not only the lessons they have taught me in my life, but for the kind of people they have become.
My dad was a bit of a rebel (understatement!). He didn't always follow anyone else's rules. He still usually did the right thing, but the right thing according to whom? As I grew older, I also grew to understand why he had his rules. I was very surprised to learn that I actually agreed with a lot of them. It was just a matter of understanding him better, and the only way to do that was to talk to him.....not as a father, but as an adult...as an equal. That was one of the weirdest things I have ever done in my life, but one of the most liberating as well. And it brought my father and I closure than ever. I now know how to not only love my father as my father, but as a friend. I don't think he is even really aware of everything I went through to accomplish this. He doesn't need to be, though. I would rather spend my time enjoying our friendship, than mourning my childhood. It is a much more positive way of living.
My mother was the buffer. A lot of times it felt like she and us kids against the world. I think she over protected us, sheltered us.....but isn't that what a mom is supposed to do? As I grew older, it occurred to me that the world was a lot uglier that what I thought it was as a kid. I had a really hard time dealing with that reality. I had a lot of disappointments, a lot of eye-opening situations…good and bad. I could always identify with Supertramp’s The Logical Song. I have pasted the lyrics at the end of this section for you. It is worth the read.
It is a really hard line to walk as a parent. How much do you nurture, while still training your child up in preparation for what they are going to experience out there when they grow up? I struggled with that a lot with my children.
My girls are in their late 20s, early 30s. One chose to be a mother and the other chose to be a business woman. They are total opposite ends of the pole….in personality, in preferences, in the way they think…in every aspect. It really astounds me sometimes just how different they are. They have a good relationship and have and will continue to learn a lot from each other.
So, I guess by now you have recognized that family is very important to me…..always has been. You can pick your friends, but you can’t pick your family. That can be used in a good and a bad way, but I am using in the good way. Our family has always stuck together and looked out for each other. At least the core of our family….the ones who have chosen to continue to be a part of it. Our family is not perfect…in fact, I have referred to us as the dysfunction bunch on occasions, but all in all….we are a family and are proud of it.
A family does not have to mean someone you are related to. A family can mean many things to different people. It doesn’t have to mean you biologic brother or sister. It can mean someone you have connected with and care for and respect. In our day of age, it is becoming more and more important to broaden our families and learn to nurture compassion. We are all we have.
So in a lot of ways, I am my mother….and I am my father. Somehow, I think I took the best of both. My older brother taught me to be tough and to survive as he protected me and my younger brother taught me to be kind, analytical and insightful.
We are all a combination of the experiences and the people we have in our family and in our lives. It is just a matter of how we want to perceive those experiences and what we want to take from it and how we will use it in the future. It shapes the people we become. It shapes how we treat other people. As we age, it becomes more and more apparent it is a bigger picture and the pieces of the puzzle start to come together. I always used to think we should be born old and grow young. But, since we don’t, we have to take what we have and make something of it.
So, this is my opportunity to share myself with you….to help you to experience my life as I go through this journey. I hope you take as much out of this as I do. I hope it helps. I hope you take a piece of me when I am done.
Supertramp - The Logical Song lyrics
When I was young, it seemed that life was so wonderful,
a miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees, well they'd be singing so happily,
joyfully, playfully watching me.
But then they send me away to teach me how to be sensible,
logical, responsible, practical.
And they showed me a world where I could be so dependable,
clinical, intellectual, cynical.
There are times when all the world's asleep,
the questions run too deep
for such a simple man.
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am.
Now watch what you say or they'll be calling you a radical,
liberal, fanatical, criminal.
Won't you sign up your name, we'd like to feel you're
acceptable, respecable, presentable, a vegtable!
At night, when all the world's asleep,
the questions run so deep
for such a simple man.
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am.
a miracle, oh it was beautiful, magical.
And all the birds in the trees, well they'd be singing so happily,
joyfully, playfully watching me.
But then they send me away to teach me how to be sensible,
logical, responsible, practical.
And they showed me a world where I could be so dependable,
clinical, intellectual, cynical.
There are times when all the world's asleep,
the questions run too deep
for such a simple man.
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am.
Now watch what you say or they'll be calling you a radical,
liberal, fanatical, criminal.
Won't you sign up your name, we'd like to feel you're
acceptable, respecable, presentable, a vegtable!
At night, when all the world's asleep,
the questions run so deep
for such a simple man.
Won't you please, please tell me what we've learned
I know it sounds absurd
but please tell me who I am.
